Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!