What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.