Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.