Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.