I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.