Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."