Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.