What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.