What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.