Why is it hard to convince someone to change their stance?
Our brain is driven by established opinions, habits, and attitudes that we've developed or that have become ingrained in us, and these are very difficult to change. Think of it like wearing glasses with lenses that distort reality; when a person with a certain opinion reads or hears a different fact, they will either use it to confirm and reinforce their preconceived notion or dismiss it as complete nonsense.
The irrationality of the human brain was first identified in studies conducted at Stanford University in the 1970s. Since then, countless studies have shown how deeply rooted irrationality is in our anatomy through evolution, and that we act based on emotions rather than the facts presented to us.
This irrationality stems from our evolutionary desire to feel a sense of belonging. If we stray too far from our tribe, even in search of shelter or food, it significantly reduces our chances of survival in the wild. By choosing to adhere to the established opinions we’ve absorbed from our environment throughout our lives, we subconsciously signal to our surroundings that we are part of the tribe – we belong. In this sense, trying to get someone to change their opinion is equivalent to trying to convince them to leave their tribe – but they can’t do that, because how would they survive? That’s what our brain experiences when someone tries to change our mind.
Our brain also has a mechanism that constantly works to protect our ego, perspective, and sense of identity. When our perspective is challenged, the same part of the brain that processes physical danger is activated. This may explain why arguments can become heated and aggressive.
What’s even more interesting is that logical reasoning also developed through evolution. When Homo sapiens began to develop language, it allowed them to cooperate. Cooperation is very difficult to establish and maintain, so logic didn’t evolve to help us solve abstract problems or process unfamiliar information, but rather to address issues arising from the situation we found ourselves in – living in a group that requires cooperation.
There’s also the “illusion of explanatory depth” – a term used to describe a situation where a person is relatively ignorant or lacks knowledge in a certain field but believes they have a high level of understanding and ability in it. Think of it this way: you probably zip and unzip zippers several times a day, but do you know exactly how a zipper works? How does it manage to connect two separate parts just by moving it? Steven Sloman and Philip Fernbach – two cognitive scientists – explain it this way: “People believe they know more than they actually do, and what allows us to maintain this belief is other people.”
When it comes to everyday things, like operating a zipper or a toilet, for example, we know that humans designed these mechanisms so we could use them easily. “We’ve relied on each other’s expertise since we learned to hunt together. We cooperate so well that we can hardly distinguish where our personal understanding begins and ends. There’s no clear boundary between one person’s ideas and knowledge and those of the rest of the group.”
When it comes to technology, this ignorance empowers us greatly. But when it comes to politics and similar fields, it divides us and causes trouble. We can operate a zipper easily without understanding how it really works, but we can’t prefer one political stance over another without understanding it deeply – it just doesn’t make sense.
Another physiological perspective on our brain’s tendency toward bias was discovered by a study conducted by Jack and Sarah Gorman – a psychiatrist and a public health expert, respectively. They found that processing information that supports our beliefs gives us a burst of dopamine, the hormone that makes us happy.
How to change someone else’s stance?
You need to understand that a radical ideological change is not realistic, so your best strategy is to tell the person in front of you, “You’re right,” before trying to prove them wrong. Emphasize the points you both agree on, and then gently offer a different opinion instead of bombarding them with facts meant to justify your position.
When you find common ground, you’re essentially telling the other side that you’re in the same tribe, and if they change their opinion, they won’t be alone. This is also a great way to neutralize aggressive behavior and shouting that may arise during a discussion. Moreover, the more beliefs you share with another person, the more likely they are to change their mind. Author James Clear explains it this way: “You already agree on most things in life. The closer you are to each other, the more likely it is that one or two beliefs you don’t share will seep into your mind and change your way of thinking.”
You can also try a practical approach to changing someone’s opinion. Ask them to describe the consequences of their beliefs; what would happen if everyone followed their idea? Creating such a simulation allows you to rely solely on facts, as otherwise, there’s no basis for the idea. If the discussion gets heated, loud, or even aggressive, it means someone is being irrational. Consider whether you might be wrong yourself and try to determine whether you’re relying on facts or beliefs in your arguments. By now, you understand that your beliefs can affect your ability to absorb new knowledge, and it’s possible the facts aren’t on your side. But it’s okay to admit a mistake and allow someone else to teach you something new.
