Trains

I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.
I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What do you call a person that’s sexually attracted to trains?
A tramsexual.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.

Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.