Sofa Jokes

Let's skip the Netflix on the sofa and go straight to chill in my bed.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
(Anne Scott)
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
The Humming Sound A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with an adult... toy. "What are you doing?!?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband!" Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter on the sofa with her toy. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching sports on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are YOU doing?" she exclaimed. "Watching the game with my son-in-law." said the father.
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