Sofa Jokes

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Let's skip the Netflix on the sofa and go straight to chill in my bed.
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
(Anne Scott)
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
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