What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin
I wish I were cross-eyed so I can see you twice
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;
Till at last, with a hammer,
They silenced his clamour,
By smashing that Person of Buda.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
I used to go out with a homeless girl, like you. It was great. I could drop her off anywhere.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
Are you doing Ananda Balasana, or are you just happy to see me, baby?
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?
He couldn't focus on the negatives.
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Scuba diving is a good hobby... if you wanna hit rock bottom.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
If I had a dime for every time I heard this joke, I’d have a dime. Never heard this one before!
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
I asked a French man if he played video games
He said, "Wii."
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Did you know you look good in short pants?
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
As the local drunk, I'm quite worried about the corona virus.
It's got potential tequila lot of people.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
He threw three free throws.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
When girls say they want a guy who can sweep them off their feet...
they do know that there’s a janitor ready for the job, right?
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
My friend was explaining at length how he was digging holes in his backyard for water.
He was boring.
Go to BabaMail
