You are hot to the core, aren’t you?
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
You are one well-defined function!
Hey, how’ve you Ben?
I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
I took all the punctuation marks off of the judge's keyboard.
I expect a long sentence.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
The doctor told me he found something alarming in my colonoscopy.
Turns out it was a clock.
My love for you is like this hike. It goes on and on.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” - Steven Wright
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“Hiking—much like drinking—is something that sounds more fun to the uninitiated than it actually is.” – Mindy McGinnis
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
My Cobra pose isn't the only thing that's rising upward.
In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
"When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?"
- Lucy Parker
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
“They laugh at me because I’m different: I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
Volleyball is air affair. This would be a good motto for your team.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
You might not be America, but I found a whole new world with you.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I want you to know I’m here for you no matter what, Alice. Tell me anything and Alice-en
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Law of employment:
When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed.
When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
I like my coffee like I like my men: either tall or with a confusing Italian name.
When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.
I still don't know if I like self-checkout.
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
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