I know you are a goalie but I hope you don’t stop me from scoring tonight.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
We were mermaid for each other.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Can I take your temperature? You're looking hot today.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, 'That's your toe,'
He replied, 'Is it so?'
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
I send the best morning texts. But you’d know that already if I had your number.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve got 3 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos in your basket. Marry me?
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
— George Carlin
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
I bet you’re Ethan better in person
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
Go to BabaMail
