The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
I didn't know angels flew this low.
I’m totally in shape. Round is a shape.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood."
— Bill Murray
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
If I had a nickel for every nickel I have... Oh wait, I do. Nevermind.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
Which country hates Thanksgiving?
Turkey
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“Friendship is not a big thing, it’s a million little things.”
— Unknown
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
“I love when candy canes are in mint condition.”
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Hey girl, I've got an extensive collection of solution manuals. Can I get your number?
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
You must be a Magnetar because I feel a strong magnetism between us.
The skeleton would love to see the latest horror flick, but he just doesn't have the guts for it.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
You and I make a deluxe combo.
There once was a girl from Dubai,
who desperately wanted to fly.
But whenever she flapped,
that girl got so chapped,
that poor littl girl from Dubai.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
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