I’ve never experienced having my dream come true, until the day I met you.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
On Halloween night, the walking dead clones
Shuffle around with mumbled grunts and groans
But have no fear
When they come near
They would rather die, than turn off their phones!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
There once was a Halloween party
All of the costumes there were naughty
I tried to be cute
Wearing my birthday suit
And won the prize for costume most gaudy.
The highlight of the year for dear old Dad
Was Halloween when treats were to be had
His modus operandi
Son you collect the candy
Snickers for me - licorice for you lad.
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
I'm not a very good swimmer, do you have any lifeguard experience?
“Gardeners know the best dirt.”
— Anonymous
You couldn't cut the s*xual tension in here with a Yellowknife.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
I need an Imodium because I can't hold in my love for you.
Why did the basketball player sign up for a crafting class?
He wanted to learn how to make baskets.
What does a person with Covid like to drink?
Coughy.
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
This is snow laughing matter!
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
Nurse: Are you allergic to anything?
Man: Burnt bread.
Nurse: You're allergic to burnt bread?!?
Man: Yes, I’m black toast intolerant.
Some people think prison is one word… but to criminals it’s the whole sentence.
Aria free next Friday for dinner?
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!
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