"Your kisses are to dye for."
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Please wine me and dine me,
Please show me a good time,
After all, I’m a lady,
And I even can rhyme!
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
This is snow laughing matter!
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
Hey baby, can I get your phone number? Oops, too late.
If I asked you out, could the answer be Ameli-yeah?
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
“I find being a Pisces a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes! I can talk myself right in and right out of any decision, any subject, any time.”
— Mary English
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Are you a lateral pterygoid because you make my jaw drop.
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
A crossword compiler named Moss,
Who found himself quite at a loss.
When asked, Why so blue?
Said, I haven’t a clue
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why is there no COVID cases in Antarctica
Because it’s so ice-o-lated
Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Hey you long legged girl with the short dress on. I finally found you!!
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.
I have to make every second Count.
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
Just call me milk. I'll do your body good.
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Hey, my parents are out of town. That means we have the haunted mansion all to ourselves.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Looks like I’ve Joshu-won the best match of the day
This pool is impressive. Or should I say swim-pressive?
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
"You make me egg-static."
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
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