What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
Are you a chocolate cake? I’m craving something sweet.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Al.
Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open the door.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Without you, I’m like a null set… Empty.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened to me.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
Don’t be elfish.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
You’re as beautiful as a flower, but I think I rose to the challenge.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
"Yoda one for me."
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Date me and all of your problems will be polygone.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
I wish your name was Avogadro because then I would already know your number.
What do you call a chair in a suit?
A tuxSEATo
Why did the River go to the doctor? Her flow wouldn't stop.
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Why do leaves change color in the fall? Because they want to leaf their old color.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Give me some pigskin
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
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