“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
She couldn't find the "10" button.
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
“I don’t get it. The trail looked so flat on the map.”
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
Roses are red, violets are blue. My heart began to beat when I first saw you.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
How am I supposed to shamelessly flirt with you in the middle of the night when I don’t have your number?
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
You should go back to my house and make it hot. It was so cold at night.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
We bee-long together.
What did the cowboy say when he bought a yo yo.
This ain't my first yo yo!
Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
Cycle with me? I feel like I’m on a whole other gear when I’m with you!
Are you wi-fi? Cause I’m totally feeling a connection.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.
They'll kill your dog.
I would tell you more chemistry pick-up lines, but all the good ones Argon!
Q: Why is it so windy in England?
A: Because Harry Kane (hurricane) lives there..
Go to BabaMail
