Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
Your body must be made of oxygen and neon because you are the One.
Are you a dentist? Because my heart beats faster when I see you.
If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burnt his book,
To drinking he took,
That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
Foul Play Suspected In Death Of Man Found Handless, Bound And Hanged
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...
It's very easily cracked.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
I bought a second hand time machine the other day.
They don't make them like they're going to.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
There's side view, rear view and you know what else?
I loview.
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
I heard milk does the body good, but man, how much have you been drinking?
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”
— Jarod Kintz
You know what they say, wheat fields are made for sowing.
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Marriage changes passion Suddenly you are in bed with a relative.
Go to BabaMail
