Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
You know why theater people say "break a leg" instead of good luck?
Because if you do, you'll end up in a cast!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
I’ve never experienced having my dream come true, until the day I met you.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?
"Gaba-Daba-Do!"
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate.”
— Linda Grayson
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
I'm snow bored.
This is the first year I’m not going to Italy because of the coronavirus.
Normally I don’t go because I’m poor.
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Some might buy you candy
Some might buy you flowers
Some might think it dandy
To dance below rain showers
But I think that the best way
To show you that I care
Is just to share a Sunday
Clad in our underwear!
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
You might not be America, but I found a whole new world with you.
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Beer.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What did Mr. and Mrs. Citrus name their daughter?
Carolime
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
Go to BabaMail
