I told you snow.
You’re so attractive, the gravitational disturbance is causing my galactic center to elongate.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
“Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.”
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
I knew I shouldn't have had the sea food.
I'm feeling a little eel.
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
There was an Old Man of New York, Who murdered himself with a fork;
But nobody cried though he very soon died,-
For that silly Old Man of New York.
You’ve got beauty like Petit Champlain and curves like Bonhomme.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Is your nickname Mercury? Cause you look habitable.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
How do you get rid of a witch’s hex?
Draw a hex-a-gone.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
“Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell and fertilize!”
— Anonymous
People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible."
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago."
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
How was Heaven when you left it?
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Babe, are you a virus? 'Cause, you're having an effect on my whole body.
Are you a dictator? Because you have absolute power over me.
Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
Hey, how'd you like to recreate the Big Bang?
"What's the the best thing about living in Switzerland?"
"I don't know, but the flag's a big plus."
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
You cannot get a basketball game fairly officiated in the jungle because cheetahs are all over.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Go to BabaMail
