The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
This vacation has been sand-sational!
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
Did you just hit me with a pitch? I'm feeling faint.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
"I've found some bunny to love."
I'm no Joseph. Perhaps you can help me interpreting the dreams I've been having about you?
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
So tell me Ian, what’s the most Ian-teresting thing about you?
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
I guess you can say my misunderstanding of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles
Elbow.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,
No one heard such a scream,
As was screamed by that lady of Russia.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
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