I eat eel while you peel eel
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’d rather be dead
Than stuck with you!
I wish I was Tim Horton's coffee…So I could get close to your lips.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Your earrings are the mirrors which reflect the moonlight into your eyes.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
Grandmother Of Eight Makes Hole In One
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Woah! What’s the name of THIS out-of-the-world body?
Do you also feel the strong gravitational pull of my bed?
A man and his lady-love, Min,
Skated out where the ice was quite thin.
Had a quarrel, no doubt,
For I hear they fell out,
What a blessing they didn't fall in!
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
You asked me what love was and I did not know how to answer it. Now I know it's a feeling that can not be mastered.
Having a ball
There once was a bad ghoulish goblin.
Thump, thump on a crutch he was hobblin’.
It was Halloween night.
He dared to give a fright.
But he fell to the ground; he was wobblin’.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
Can you do sign language?
I wish I knew how to sign because I don't think any spoken words can describe how beautiful you are.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
A dog and his bone was on the roam,
Where can I find this bone a home?
Will I bury it next to the tree?
No, too easy for others to see.
What about next to the garden shed?
Maybe in the middle of the garden bed,
Behind the sty where the pigs all are,
What about somewhere right away far.
I think I know what I will do,
I'll just sit down and have a chew,
Tomorrow will be another new day,
I'll find a spot then for the bone to stay.
(John Williams)
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
With long legs like yours, you don't need high heels.
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
Green glass globes glow greenly.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
Say what you want about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
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