What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
Girl, your really good at this catch and release thing. Every time I catch my breath around you, you make me lose it again.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall. I will catch you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen.
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
I expected some baggage with our relationship but I didn’t expect the cargo of the Titanic to come floating to the surface.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her father's permission...
I have to question the pop before I pop the question.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
"Granddad's Got Hair"
Granddad's got hair on his fingers,
Hair on his toes,
Hair in his ears,
Hair up his nose.
His chest has got more hair than a coarse front door mat.
His back has got more hair than next door's tom cat.
Granddad's head is silky and smooth,
Not a solitary bristle.
Smooth as a baby's bum,
Clean as a whistle.
Some say a snooker ball has got more hair,
But his beard hides a smile that says, "I just don't care."
– Graham Craven
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
Go to BabaMail
