The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
I must be a litmus paper, and you must be acid. Because every time I come into contact with you, I turn all red.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
"You're the wine that I want."
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
There was a young fellow named Clyde,
who fell in an outhouse and died.
Along came his brother,
and fell in another,
and now they're interred side by side.
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.” —Michael Dresser
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
If you were a flower, I would pick you.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
Do you also feel the strong gravitational pull of my bed?
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
From what I’ve heard, they Sadie only way to make a good first impression is to start with a bad name pun
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Leave poetry to the prose.
The difference between a GEEK and a NERD.
Geek: "May the force be with you!"
Nerd: "May the force be equal to the mass multiplied by acceleration."
"
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
― Noel Coward
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
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