My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
It may just be a stage I'm going through, but I sure do love the trapdoors on set.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Quasimodo would’ve been a great detective
He always had a good hunch.
You’re wine in a million.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
"I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener."
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What is a definition of art theft? The haul of frames.
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward, I just want to have dinner with you.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What do you think Abby-t going on a date sometime?
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking smart guys...
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Give me some pigskin
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Go to BabaMail
