Can I hiber-mate with you?
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In Ten Years
You know you’re getting old when…
There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
I love the way you look at me,
The sharpness of your gaze.
The way I hold you my arms,
You keep me in a haze.
I love the scent you bring with you, when you come into my home.
You bring me so much happiness,
I can’t leave you alone.
You pale them in comparison,
The rest cannot do better.
You are my favorite in the world,
I love you so much, Cheddar.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
How is the submarine doing at school?
It's below c-level
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”
— Unknown
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Did you just move from the subdominant to the supertonic? Because I think you’re my perfect counterpoint.
There was an Old Man who said, 'Well!
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night,
Till my hair has grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!'
Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?
We're donion rings.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
There was a young man from Lahore
Whose limericks stopped at line four.
When asked why this was,
He responded, "Because."
Do you believe in love at first set, or should we run it another time?
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call a gushing keyboard?
sqwerty
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Go to BabaMail
