I pitcher us together forever.
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
Which car is a Ghost’s favourite? It is between a Boogatti or a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
Snow thank you.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
Hey baby, how many Gamma-ray bursts can your Milky Way take?
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why did the vampire get a COVID test?
Because he was COFFIN.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
Does February like March?
No, but April May.
What do you think the boy star told the girl star? I really glow for you.
"Whenever I See"
Whenever I see your eyes
There is something that I feel
You look so sleepy
As a bear after a meal.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
You see me, do you need glasses or something?
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
“Stupid people will mistake your confidence for arrogance.”
- Habeeb Akande
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
"Love is sharing your popcorn."
- Charles Schultz.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
Your pheromones are driving me wild.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Want to go for a ride?
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
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