It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
(While she’s leaving) "Hey, aren’t you forgetting something?"
Girl: "What?"
"Me."
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Are you a model?
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
It's time to be like a kit-kat and split up.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
I used to love puns about throwing things, but now I don’t.
It was just a fling.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I can't think of a charming pickup line.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.” — Sinclair Lewis
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
I pitcher us together forever.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
My eyes are full of tears
That they can see no more
I wish you were here
To chop these onions for me.
(Unknown)
You must be a choir director, because you make my heart sing!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
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