I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrushes throat.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
The perfect description of a bowling game is one where there is plenty of room at the top, but no room to lie down.
How rude-olf of you.
There was a fire in a yodelling school.
Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
Can I take a few shots at your goal?
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Excuse me, would you like a raisin? No? How about a date then?
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
There is a young schoolboy named Mason,
Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin.
When he stands in one place,
With a scarf round his face,
It's a mystery which way he’s facing.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."
Anonymous
Building a good makeup design always starts with a good foundation.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Your infectious smile puts cholera to shame.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Rome!
Rome who?
Rome is where the heart is!
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Go to BabaMail
