What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
“There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'”
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Do you like hot foods
If so, you definitely are what you eat.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
Sorry, But You Owe Me A Drink. Well, When I Saw You, I Dropped Mine.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
I feel like Medusa was in some rocky relationships.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Why did the clown cross the road?
To retrieve his rubber chicken.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
Are you an onion? Cause I want to peel your layers.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
I thought the play was frightful but I saw it under particularly unfortunate circumstances - the curtain was up.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again. Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
I heard there are names that can be impossible to make puns out of, say its not Zoey!
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Have you ever been fishing before? I think we should hook up!
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
The fact that I've met you shows that God loves me.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
Mark Twain
What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
“Santa owes a lot to his little helpers. You might say he’s an elf-made man.”
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
I want you. I knead you.
“There are more airplanes in the water than there are submarines in the sky.”
Anonymous
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Go to BabaMail
