What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
My friend finally overcame his addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
He quit cold turkey.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
My love life is like a game of minesweeper.
I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.
I’d be Ryan if I said you weren’t cute
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
Why wasn't the taxidermist invited to Thanksgiving dinner?
No one wanted to try his stuffing
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
I would ask you if you're tired from running through my mind all day, but from the looks of it, you don't do any running.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Stuart Turner“
“I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.”
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
Are you sitting on a candle? Because your booty is on fire.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
Which Pokémon has Covid?
Pik-achoo.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
A wise man will know
finding a worm in a pear…
better than half worm
(Jan Allison)
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
If you can join the seas and the rivers, why not join your lips and mine?
When you're around, every mall is a sky mall.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
Go to BabaMail
