What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
My funny guy, when I look at you,
Making faces, as you do,
To make me giggle, and keep me happy,
When I’m feeling down or sad or cr****,
I see someone who’s man enough
To just be silly, instead of tough
To give me gladness, bliss and joy,
That’s my man; that’s my big boy.
Happy birthday to the man
Who makes me laugh, because he can.
Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
I told the person who was playing my trumpet,
To stop pushing my buttons.
Why did the potato run across the road?
So it wouldn’t get mashed.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Did you know you look good in short pants?
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Girl, you’re truly one in Amelia
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What do you call a Minotaur in a playground?
A swing and a myth.
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!
(Santhini Govindan)
It takes one to snow one.
Roses are red, bananas are yellow, wanna go out with a nice little fellow?
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
You must be a 90º angle. ‘Cause, you’re looking right!
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
In on the ground flora.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought I was ugly, they would find me attractive.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
If pronouncing b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian...
Then Soviet
A mother catches her 12-year-old son smoking in the backyard...
"Jimmy, I can't believe this! Smoking is terrible for you, and you're so young!" Jimmy replies, "Don't worry mom, I only smoke when I'm drunk."
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
The prowling youth
With fangs and cape
From trick or treat
There's no escape
Unless you make
Your own trick treats
And hand out bags
Of Ex-lax sweets.
- Patrick Winstanley
Go to BabaMail
