What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Can I take your temperature? You’re looking hot today.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
"I put a dollar in one of those changed machines. Nothing changed." ~ George Carlin
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
"Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing."
– Unknown
You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
Does your Dad own Snapple, because you're made of the best stuff on earth?
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Apparently you can get the Corona virus if your eye touches someone else's eye.
I guess it's a good thing I refuse to make eye contact.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Wish I was British so I could say "could you polish me nob?"
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
“Did you know the actual difference between hill and hell is just a fine line?”
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla burger! I've got the buns!
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
Drowning doesn't seem too bad if you would give me mouth-to-mouth.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
The year is 2219
A dishevelled white haired man crosses the desert that was once the English Channel from the United Kingdom of England to visit the capital of the Eurasian Empire in Brussels. As has been the case for 200 years, he delivers an unsigned letter and returns home, only to repeat the process again the next year. The true meaning of the ritual is lost in the annals of history but many believe it goes back to the days of a mythical quest they called Brexit.
Go to BabaMail
