Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
Is that a discharge in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me?
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
Wish upon a starfish.
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
I find you very a-peeling.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
There once was a man from York,
who picked his nose with a fork.
He went for a pluck,
when it got stuck,
and walked around looking like a dork.
Are you a member of a Girl Scout? Girl: No. Boy: Then why you knew how to tie my heart into knots?
I’m an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have it.
Baby, meeting you was better than an NHL lockout ending.
Hey girl, are you a Sharpie? Cause you are Ultra Fine.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
Dublin over in laughter.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Grammar has never been my strong suit.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Did your parents work on The Manhattan Project? Because you’re the bomb!
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Go to BabaMail
