Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
I was at an office conference this past autumn. I made a new friend and when I asked for his contact details, he said, "Here is my November!"
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
I'm an endurance athlete. Think you can stand the HIIT?
Nice life preservers.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
George Carlin
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
The calm before the score
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years
I was worried you’d just be a pretty face, but Olivia looks real good to me
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. I couldn't keep the space clean.
The temperature can only go up from here.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Roses are red, Roses are blue
Depending on their velocity relative to you
Why did the monster truck drive on the sidewalk?
Because he didn’t want to run over the chicken!
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I know hundreds of Pi digits, but what I really want to know is the 7 digits of your phone number.
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Hey, do you wanna hear my text tone? Just message me and you’ll see how great it is.
You sweep me off my feet!
Go to BabaMail
