The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Just one hot chick."
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
"You're a real good egg."
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
I just gotta say, you and that dog are looking awfully fetching in your photos.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.” —Craig Ferguson
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Would you like to share fire with me?
Wow call me Eve, because you just made me feel like the only girl in the world
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Hey baby, do you have some bug spray? Because I have butterflies in my tummy.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Go to BabaMail
