What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Bookworms take shelfies.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
Are you Spotify? Cause I can listen to you all day.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
“Scientists say the world is made of protons, neutrons, and electrons. they forgot to mention morons.”
Anonymous
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Alan Dundes
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
I'm a student, and I play a game with myself every time I check my bank account.
It's called Meal or no Meal.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
Yoda one for me!
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
— Jim Henson
Dud you know Astronauts said steaks are better in space?
They're a little meteor.
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes." — Emo Philips
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Can I be your next varietal?
As one black bug, bled blue, black blood. The other black bug bled blue.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Babe, it doesn’t matter that you got diabetic retinopathy, because I heard love is blind.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Candice.
Candice who?
Candice be love that I'm feeling?
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Baby, I'm a dependent clause, and all I need is you.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read.
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