It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does he choose?
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
Biology - It grows on you.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Hey, let’s go out some time! Olly’ven pay for everything
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
I scored when I met you.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought,
"This will come back to bite me."
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Hey, wanna come to my place and observe something else that's constantly expanding?
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Your eyes glow just like the twin suns on my home planet.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Is your name Houston? Because you seem to be guiding my rover.
Turns out my dad who’s a locksmith still has to go to work during lockdown.
He’s a key worker, you see.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
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