Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
You must be the one for me… Since my selectively permeable membrane let you through.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
I wouldn't say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
But it's up there.
Sorry for not calling sooner, I was budy complaining to Spotify for not naming you the year's hottest single.
"You could be drinking whole [milk] if you wanted to."
- Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
Remember the city,
Remember the town,
Remember the s/he who ruined your birthday card.
By writing inside upside down!
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Hi, my name is Cage and if I had a nickel for every time I told a funny joke...
I would be Nickeless Cage.
My computer's favorite singer is A Dell.
I want to stick to you like glucose.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
Sorry I'm so quiet this evening. You simply took my breath away.
What type of car does a cowboy drive?
Audi partner.
“I hate being half bike, half motorcycle,” he moped.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
One should always practice what they peach.
"Having a good hare day."
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
“PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.”
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Rabbit.
Rabbit who?
Rabbit up carefully, it's a present!
I am reading a horror story in Braille.
Someone is going die, I can feel it.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What do dogs and commas have in common? Dogs have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
I’m invisible. [Really?] Can you see me? [Yes]. How about tomorrow night?
What's your name? Because I'll be screaming it all night long.
Go to BabaMail
