Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section.
I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
If I said you had a gorgeous shell would you hold it against me?
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
There was an Old Man of the Cape,
Who possessed a large Barbary ape,
Till the ape one dark night
Set the house all alight,
Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.
Something’s goat to give.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
"Pick a cod, any cod."
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Old astronomers got so tired of waiting for the sun to go down, that they decided to pack it up and call it a day.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
I found out my wife is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Why did the pillow cross the road?
It was picking up the chicken’s feathers.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
I don’t know what the trick is, but you certainly are a treat.
I’d be Carol-ying if I said you weren’t absolutely stunning.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
– Diane Von Furstenberg
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving Day jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
You octopi my thoughts.
Are you Darth Vader, because I wouldn't mind if you used a little force to choke me.
“Thank you, the day after Thanksgiving, or as the makers of sweatpants call it, 'the busy season.'" — Jimmy Fallon
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
I just heard that the government has made an amendment to lockdown to allow Father Christmas out...
It's called the Santa Clause
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
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