Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
Owl always love you.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
Did you know you look good in short pants?
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
If you were a sentence, I'd be the punctuation mark because I'd always follow you no matter what.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A complete waist of time.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
There once was a fly on the wall,
I wonder why didn't it fall.
Because its feet stuck,
Or was it just luck,
Or does gravity miss things so small?
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
Come, let’s measure the coefficient of friction between us.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
Is your name Summer? It has to be, because you're hot!
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Are you on the endangered species list cause baby you are one of a kind!
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
How do you know that it's too cold outside for a picnic?
You chip your tooth on the soup.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
Genie: "I shall grant you 3 wishes."
Me: "I wish for a world without lawyers."
Genie: "Done, you have no more wishes."
Me: "But you said I had 3!"
Genie: "Sue me."
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
Go to BabaMail
