The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
I'm going to have to get a security guard because you're trying to steal my heart.
What a werewolf movie, talk about howling!
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
“May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive.”
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all ladies;
But in handing his daughter,
He fell into the water,
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight!
(Larry Huggins)
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
Do you like sales? Because if you're looking for a good one, clothing is 100% off at my place.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
I like milk and cookies but I would rather have you.
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
Man: Do you work at the Bakery, cause you have a nice set of buns.
Woman: Do you work at a Grocery store? Then why are you checking me out?
What do you say to a kangaroo on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
Go to BabaMail
