Now I know why there's no snow - you're so hot!
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
There's nothing humble about my warrior.
I’m browsing the winter-net.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year.
Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
That's a nice dress — where's the rest of it?
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
The temperature can only go up from here.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
You must have a C3 convertase inhibitor because you’re impossible to complement. You’re already perfect.
Frankenstein wasn’t very compliant.
He was mad and annoyed and defiant.
But he happened to pass
Anger management class —
And turned into The Jolly Green Giant!
I like the way you espresso yourself.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
You must be mitochondria because you are the powerhouse of my heart.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Gladys
Gladys who?
Gladys Friday, finally the weekend starts!
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
I heard that starting next year, keyboards will no longer be sold with italics...
But it was a bold-faced lie.
Built up some confidence to reach out…hope you don’t igNora me
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Sleigh, what?!
I know you don’t Naomi, but I hope you will soon
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
A system administrator has 2 problems:
1. Dumb users
2. Smart users
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
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