Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Old Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”
- Steve Ryan.
You must be a choir director, because you make my heart sing!
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I went on a date with a Chess World Champion the other night.
It took her about 10 minutes to pass the salt.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Hey beautiful! Your face is like a moon. Always glowing.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
I'm pretty sure I was blind before I met you.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
You’re my lucky charm.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Don’t be elfish.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
My love is like a fractal. It goes on forever!
“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
– Benjamin Franklin
Who’s your paddy?
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
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