Is there wifi in here? Because I feel we have a strong connection.
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
You’re the only rein-dear for me.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
"Bugs and hisses."
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Can I have your number so I can call you anytime I miss you?
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Hey! Get lost wasp you are a pesky swine
This cherry ice cream is mine ALL mine
You buzz around and make my life hell
Look - this ice cream is for ME it tastes so swell
I need to cool down, gee here it’s really hot
So buzz off pesky wasp or you will swat
(Jan Allison)
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet.
I’m o-fish-ally in love with you.
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
I'll light your fire for you if you want!
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
You’re the queen of my heart.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolates.
They'll kill your dog.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
“If you think money doesn’t grow on trees, you ain’t checking every limb.” – Chamillionaire
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
I can go 90 minutes without stopping.
Go to BabaMail
