Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
Are you the future? Because you're looking hopeless and bleak.
Are you a beaver? Beause daaaaaaaaam!
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
If athletes can get “Athletes foot”, what can astronauts get? Missile Toe.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
I ain’t a personal trainer, but I can host a one-on-one workout !
We could do some cardio at your place
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. -- Mahatma Ghandi
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
“How to get a yoga body: 1. Have a body 2. Do yoga.” – Unknown
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
I love you and I ain’t lion.
"I sent the club a wire stating, 'Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.'"
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Do you know what the Temple Veil and I both have in common?
We're both ripped.
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