Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
I got really good at telling them, so I’m being crowned the king of corona virus puns.
You’re all formally invited to attend my coronation.
I wish I were Castiel so I could have everything in your personal space.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Wow, I was just wishing for a soulmate Anna minute later, we matched. What are the chances?
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
I meditate about you. Will you do the same too?
You can tickle my ivories anytime, baby.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
Roses are red
violets are blue.
I hate poems
even more than I hate you.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!
(Santhini Govindan)
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”—Erma Bombeck
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I asked my Italian grandfather if the rougher parts of Italy were called the spaghetto.
His look was pasty.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
I'm usually not very prophetic.
But I can see us together.
My friend told me to come and meet you.
He said you're a really nice person. I think you know him.
Jesus, yeah that's his name.
According to the multiverse theory, there’s at least one universe where we end up together. Do you want this universe to be one of them?
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
Mom, you’re so awesome,
I’d never want to trade,
You’re the best mother there ever was,
And I’m the best child ever made!
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Aren't you tired? Because you've been galloping through my mind all evening.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Anaerobic respiration reminds me of how you take my breath away.
You remind me of cheese... I want you on everything!
Go to BabaMail
