Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
Want to go for a ride?
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
"You're the wine that I want."
Are you a bike? Because I wanna ride you until I get tired.
"Fun Grandpa"
My grandpa knows, the art of the laugh,
So many jokes, but reveals only half.
We’ll enjoy, those fun random talks,
He makes fun of things, during our walks.
Hilarious moments, he will readily find,
Walk into a wall, and pretend to be blind.
Whenever I see him, he’s sporting a smile,
Mr. Bean had a much better style.
A serious illness, for jokes he will fake,
Moments later, random faces he’ll make.
Seems like grandpa just wants to have fun,
At church, he tried, to pick up a nun.
My wife sent me an article about "sandpaper spouses..."
I told her she must be 2000 grit, 'cause she's FINE!
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
Loving this road trip, but all this driving is tire-ing!
There was an Old Person of Ems,
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found
They said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.
What is a garbage disposal’s favorite music group?
NSYNC.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
The kids are rumbling and tumblin'
Grandpa's snoring and a grumbling.
The football teams are taking a knee,
On Grandma's big screen t.v.
The leaves outside are turning yellow
'Cause winter's coming to say hello.
The aunts are all fussin' in the kitchen,
Wait a minute, it must be Thanksgivin'!
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
Forget Santa, you’re on my nice list.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?
Driving the zam-boney.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
You must have been born in an open cluster because you shine as if you were a young star.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Hold still, there's a mosquito on your a$$.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
You mermaid to go far.
Airlines have nowadays become so cash strapped that they charge you for everything including emotional baggage.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
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