Algorithm.
Word used by programmers when they don't want to explain what they did.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
What happens when Greeks come back from war?
They get a gyro’s welcome.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
I fence-y you.
Are you the splash-and-dash? Because you've got my heart beating.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I am glad my mobile phone has GPS because I am totally getting lost in your beautiful eyes.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
“Dear winter, stop being so romantic, I’m single here.”
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Hey girl…
Can I call-cu-later?
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
I could never Elea-gnor someone so stunning as you
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
"Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.
It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.
I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
Go to BabaMail
