"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
Let's get out of here and explore the North Pole. I'm a rebel without a Claus.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Girls!
They protect you!
Mind you, correct you!
In ways you never thought of,
They enslave you, caress you!
You do whatever they say,
Sometimes they confuse you!
Right then it gets real bad,
Misconceptions they kill you!
You give them all,
You’re taken to the mall,
Spend all your money,
Until you fall!
They flirt, tiny skirts!
Eyes blink, you’re alert!
Black magic, their mastered skill!
New guys like contraception pills!
Some naughty, some innocent,
What lies deep inside,
Is the killer sense!
Oh they messed me up!
Damn I now trust this bub,
Sitting here golden cheers!
Girls! Girls! Girls!
(Fiazio)
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
"I Love to Hate You"
Just one look at you
Tempting me, teasing me, tormenting me
I hate the feelings you evoke
Greed
Desire
Lust
Just want to hold you, devour you
I don’t want to see you go
But I can never resist the last chocolate in the box!
— Jan Allison
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Snow on and snow forth.
A man gives his wive a coffin for her 70th birthday,
When she turns 71, she asks "why didn't you get me a present?" And the man answers "but you havent used the one I gave you last year."
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
If you where a sheep I would clone you.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
Do you use Spotify free? You should join my Premium Duo for all the features.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
I got a valentine from a pickle today...
It meant a great dill to me.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.
(He didn't say H2O2)
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
Robin Williams
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
— Andrea L’Artiste
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
I had to clean my filter twice after I saw how beautiful you are because I couldn’t believe my Arabicas.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
Go to BabaMail
