What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben
The was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs,
To her uncle's white pigs,
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
A village somewhere in the Midlands
Was harassed by a bodiless dead man,
But sans charger or steed,
How could they, indeed,
Be afraid of a lone horseless headman?
- Jim Slaughter
"You crack me up."
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
I wish I could be ugly for one day.
I hate being ugly everyday.
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
I just wanted to make sure my mom woke up with a big smile on her face.
Now i'm not allowed to play with sharpies anymore.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper!
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
Can you can a canned can into an un-canned can like a canner can can a canned can into an un-canned can?
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
The crowd had filled up the venue and everyone was waiting for the bowling alley to open. Finally, they got the ball rolling.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
Why did the engineer cross the road?
Because he looked in the files, and that’s what they did last time.
You must put a lot of spices in your food because you look smoking hot.
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
Norway are you leaving without giving me your number!
I told my friend I was attacked by a shark.
He said, "Did you punch it on the nose?"
I said, "No, it just attacked me for no reason."
You have goat to be kidding me.
I haven’t owned a watch for I don’t know how long.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
My Wife is leaving me because of my obsession with cowboys
But that's ok this town ain't big enough for the both of us.
---
Acowboy enters the saloon
"Who painted my horse blue??"
A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.
"It was me, you have a problem with that?"
"No...I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating."
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
There was an Old Sailor of Compton, Whose vessel a rock it once bump'd on;
The shock was so great, that it damaged the pate,
Of that singular Sailor of Compton.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
I don't have a foot fetish, but I'm pretty into mistle-toe.
I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.
We’ll have a ball.
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