My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
A Duck is about to cross the road. A chicken runs out to stop him screaming "Don't do it, man - you'll never hear the end of it!"
Baby, you can drive my car if we let it be.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie or Friday with no two pizzas.” —Joey Tribbiani, Friends
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was bored of just standing there.
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
What happened when a man practiced archery near some stationary planes? They ended up very arrow-dynamic.
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
Have you checked in yet? Because I've been check-in you out all day.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Girl you are rocking this run.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
If I were a transplant surgeon, I’d give you my heart.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anything for you.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What is a skeleton’s favorite mode of transport?
A scare-plane.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
I think we Anthon-eed to get to know each other soon
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