Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
How does a german cowboy say hi?
Audi.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
You must be a 90º angle. ‘Cause, you’re looking right!
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What is the favorite bread of a crow? Crow-issant.
I've been thinking about you owl night long...
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Please keep your flowers,
And your poems too.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
I thought Happiness starts with H. But why does mine starts with U.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
When you're around, every mall is a sky mall.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
So a guy buys a PlayStation and starts an EA game.
Pay just $9.99 to unlock the rest of this joke!
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What a great match, guess you could say its my Luke-y day
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
If you can’t decide which side to take to Thanksgiving.
Bringing your side piece is guarenteed to cause drama.
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate… Well, here I am!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.”—Melanie White
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
"My cat doesn't like you."
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
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