And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Sorry I've been following you...
But my parents told me to chase my dreams.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
My Dad said to me, "Son, I wanted you to know you were adopted."
I shouted, "You're kidding! Really?"
He said, "Yes. Get your things together, they're coming to pick you up in an hour."
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
Your beauty warms and lights up these frozen surroundings.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
Genoa bout the bridge collapse in Italy?
Ah well, we won't go over it then.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Are your mathematics? I want to solve you.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
The painter wanted to feel the texture, so he buttered his toast with his fingers.
Let's do lunge together
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
“Hiking is the only slightly less ugly stepsister of running.” – Lindy Hughes
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
I've recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm mostly working knights.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Why don't we do it in the road?No one will be watching us
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
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