What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
The square root of all my fantasies is you.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
Shake your shamrocks.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I would love to show you first class.
Hold on for deer life.
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? Intercourse!
Sorry if I seem shy or nervous around you,
I have a bit of phobia, I'm afraid of attractive people like you.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court…
The game would be cancelled.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
Ommmm... let's meet up in our spirit form.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
Your love is like vodka.
You were worth the chase.
You are beryllium, gold, and titanium all rolled into one. Simply BeAuTi-ful.
What do Muslims do during the coronavirus outbreak?
They stay in Quran-tine.
I love you deerly.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony.
I told him that was daylight robbery.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
That skeleton over there said he’d get your number for me, but he didn’t have the guts, so here I am.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
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