What's your hurry, baby? I Just want to take things Oslo.
Baby you make my telescope expand.
"So… Do you like cheese?"
- Duke, She’s The Man (2006)
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
Why don’t we use some Fourier analysis on our relationship and reduce to a series of simple periodic functions?
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I would be holding a galaxy.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
Why did Sean Connery adopt a cat?
Because teaching his dog to sit proved too messy.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Five syllables here.
Seven more syllables here.
Are you happy now?
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
Steven Wright
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What is a dairy product like as a partner?
They’re your butter half.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Go to BabaMail
